Confidence does not always belong to the loudest, best-looking, or richest person. In fact, a confident person can be a quiet person and live simply. Confident people have nothing to prove to anyone and do not to be the center of attention or seek validation from the external world or social media.
While quiet confidence is not something that comes naturally to many of us, however, it is a trait that every one of us can embody with a bit of training; regardless if you are an introvert, extrovert, or somewhere in between.
Quiet confidence is an attractive quality that’s much less expensive than a new outfit or flashy car, it helps you to express yourself, connect with others, and be able to achieve your goals and dreams. In general, confidence is a quality that all around leads us to better mental health, greater happiness, and a better quality of life all around.
11 Secrets to Exuding Quiet Confidence
Mindset is the foundational piece for everything else to build upon when it comes to exuding a quiet confidence. Your mindset dictates the way you think, feel, and choose to approach and respond to the challenges in life. It tells you what’s possible for you and what’s not, it encourages you or discourages you.
Our thoughts determine how we feel about ourselves and our capabilities. When you think about yourself from a more positive, confident perspective there is an assurance, know-how, a certainty that you can and will adapt to the situation or circumstances you are in. Your inner confidence will exude that.
People with quiet confidence train their brains. Just as an athlete spends time in training their body; a person with authentic quiet confidence invests in the training their own thoughts.
This brain training includes acknowledging the doubt that comes in, doubt is normal, the I can’ts, the impossibles, the I’m not good enoughs- that’s all normal. What a confident person has learned to do is replace those negative thoughts with thoughts of positivity and possibility, reminders of what they have done, reminders of what their capabilities and skills are. They choose to override those negative thoughts and replace them with the belief that things are possible. They work on their mindset every single day, throughout the day. When negative thoughts come in they check them, they challenge them, they choose to say I hear you, but I don’t accept you. They choose a positive attitude that believes in possibilities. It’s not to say the negative thoughts totally disappear, but there’s enough positive to outweigh the doubts.
Self-care has become a buzzword over the last few years for good reason. Self-care is about prioritizing the care of ourselves. It’s a way to show ourselves that we are a priority in our own lives. Self-care means paying attention and taking care of your mental, emotional, and physical well-being needs from a mindful place.
When you spend time caring for yourself by getting enough sleep, eating well, knowing your limits with things like your time and energy; you will feel better about yourself. You will experience less stress and improved overall well-being. The better we feel about ourselves the more quiet confidence we exude. Self-care affects your inner being- which in turn affects the quiet confidence you exude from within.
Possessing quiet confidence implies that you’re not talking over people. Instead, many authentically quiet confident people choose to express curiosity in others and in life. When you are curious you are in a place of being non-judgmental. You are being an active listener, choosing to listen more than you speak. When you are curious you are not in competition with others or seeking to gain external validation through judgments or comparisons. These subtleties in how we interact with others all show quiet confidence. Someone who is confident doesn’t need to tell or show anyone how smart or great they are, they feel good about themselves from within.
#4 Authenticity with Consistency
A person who is able to exude quiet confidence is able to do so because they know who they are, they are authentically and genuinely themselves. They show up as who their true self consistently- meaning they don’t act one way one time and then differently the next time
The more you get to know your true authentic self by practicing self-care, rewiring your mindset, honoring, and accepting yourself for who you are and where you’ve been; the more you will build this skill. Acceptance of yourself is the key to showing up as your authentic self.
#5 Progress not Perfection
Nothing builds confidence from within more than taking action on your goals. Action fuels your mind to say- I can accomplish, I can do hard things. It breeds expertise as well as a sense of pride and trust in ourselves that we can do hard things. If you have made a commitment to yourself to eat healthier, for instance, take action each and every day to eat healthier, even when it’s hard, even when you don’t want to. When you set the intention to do a task or chore, do it. You are training your brain to “I can” rather than “I can’t.” The more you show up for yourself the more expertise and mastery you experience. The better you are at something, the more your natural confidence will build. The more you take action, the more you will show up with pride and confidence in yourself.
#6 Acceptance of Your Whole Self
In order to be confident in your own skin, you have to accept who you are including the parts of you that you perceive to be flawed or a work in progress. The truth is we are each unique, we are all perfectly, imperfect creatures. We all make mistakes, we all have scars, we all have beauty and achievements. Confident people embrace their entire selves, while people who are yet to get there tend to want to disown the mistakes and scars and can also be critical of their best qualities, which just lowers ones self-esteem. Confident people have acceptance of mistakes, they accept themselves for who they are in their entirety. They know they are not perfect and they accept that- but accepting it doesn’t stop them from setting goals and investing in their own personal growth.
#7 Carve out Your Own Path in Life
Taking the road less traveled isn’t always the easiest road to take, but if you are following your dreams and intuition, it will be the best path you can take. Confident people don’t always take the easy way in life, they are willing to do things differently, to stand out and take a chance. It takes confidence to do something different than others. The easy choice is always to stay in your comfort zone, but that’s not going to get you far in life. A confident person has a curiosity about life and is willing to step out into the unknown- remember they are willing to accept themselves fully, so they are able to embrace taking risks and failing because they know they are always learning and they are not perfect.
#8 Celebrate Yourself
Being confident is about developing a great relationship with yourself and believing in yourself. When you accomplish a goal, something exciting happens in life, you learn a new skill, receive great positive feedback- you need to celebrate yourself. A quiet confident person probably isn’t going to blast their news to the entire outside world, but they are going to celebrate with themselves and connect with those who support them in life. Next time you do something great and you are proud of yourself, take a moment to allow that feeling to sink in, look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself exactly what you need to hear, something like “I’m so very proud of you, you did it!” If it sounds too cheesy for you- remember confident people don’t let what others think hold them back. (Plus it is an exercise that actually works!)
#9 Develop a Trusting Relationship with Yourself
One thing that depletes a person’s confidence is breaking promises to themselves. If a best friend or family member consistently broke their promise to us or didn’t stand by their word it would create a rift in your relationship with them. The same is true for the relationship you have with yourself. If you don’t honor what you promised yourself you would do, you may begin to develop feelings of shame, guilt, or not believing in yourself. So the next time you tell yourself you are leaving work at 5 pm or going to the gym in the morning, make sure you do it. The best way to do this is to be realistic, with what you are asking of yourself and make a plan on how to do it. Think achievable and realistic. If you need to leave work by 5 pm, is it realistic? Is it achievable? How can you plan to do it? Maybe you start wrapping things up by 4:30, have your bag packed, set an alarm. Get creative in your planning. Remember progress, not perfection. Maybe you leave at 5:15 on the first day, is that better than 6 pm? Absolutely! You’ve made progress, focus on what you did do, not judging yourself on what you didn’t.
#10 Invest in Yourself
Investing in yourself is quite possibly one of the most important life traits to have. By investing your time and money in yourself, I really mean investing in your personal growth, your goals, and your dreams as well as cultivating inner peace. Personal growth is quite possibly the best way to develop a better relationship with yourself and others. Investing in yourself is what helps you be a better you in your life, it’s about learning about you and prioritizing your growth. If you stop learning, you stop growing. If you don’t invest in your dreams and goals, how will you ever achieve them?
#11 See the Good in Others
Having quiet confidence means you feel good about yourself. You don’t need to put others down to feel good about yourself. It also means you don’t have to be in competition with others to feel good. This one is a great skill anyone can practice as I find it pretty easy to “fake it to you make it.” Even if you aren’t feeling confident (yet) when you are in social settings, find one thing you can genuinely compliment each person on, it’s also a great way to connect with others! A great way to practice is to just make a list before the event or practice with television characters, write down one compliment you could give them, (include people or characters you may not be fond of). The more good you see in others, the more good you will see in yourself and in the world! This one is a win-win all around!
True confidence is quiet and comes from within. Quiet confidence doesn’t mean there is an absence of self-doubt or self-sabotage- that is all normal. Having quiet confidence means you are choosing to hear the confident, positive voice over the negative, self-doubt voice. The more you invest in being your best self on the inside, the more quiet confidence you will develop from within.
P.S. When it comes to owning your confidence, there is nothing wrong with “faking it till you make it.” The more you act confident, the easier it will get. Remember progress, not perfection.
Karla Kueber is a Certified Evidence Based EFT Practioner and Health Coach with a background in Energy Medicine and a double Masters Degree in Education. She works with people to, heal trauma, overcome their past and use it to fuel their future. You can learn more about her own healing journey here.